11 Aug Rekindling The Flame In Your Marriage
Seeing new couples together can be very nice and interesting. The feeling of love is so evident in the way they talk, look at each other, smile and do things together. The laughter they have with each other leaves people around smiling at the joy love brings.
However, a common trend can now be observed, that after a while, the same couple now, snap at each other, can hardly ever get along again, can not smile not to talk of laugh without an effort, arguments replaces discussions and one begins to wonder where love has gone to.
Alot of times, both are busy pointing accusing finger at what the other is not doing. They try to correct what they think to be wrong via criticism and comparism. Then ego, silent treatment and mind games creep in. What this does is to kill the love flow and then gradually they start becoming strangers living in a particular place.
The question here is, why is there no sustainance of affection? why does the honey moon end afterwards?
The issue here is that both couple have allowed an important ingredient to vanish from their marriage relationship. The instrument of romance was the reason why before you married her, you felt so much connection and attraction.
You bought her gifts with precision and research. You always took your time to look at her with a ready compliment,you treat her and make her feel special everytime as much as you can and can afford. As the lady,when was the last time u were sweet to him? just cook him a lovely dinner or get him a gift u know he will love. Just look him in the eyes and tell him how much you love and appreciate him with a seal of a kiss ?
These were things you did freely and easily when you were dating buh as soon as you got married, formality became the other of the day. Everyone needs to be told that they are loved and not only in words but via action. the acting is the affirmation of the spoken word, so how can you affirm what is not there in the first place? Common words among warring couples that makes me laugh can be summarized via “he/she should know i love him/her because i do what am suppose to do”. What speaks love to people differ and you have to understand the love language of your partner. Once the love tank of your partner becomes empty, frustration comes in as agitation ensures.. one thing that is unhealthy among couples is bottled up emotions. When your partner does what you can not endure, lovingly tell them with reasons why it does not go down well with you.
Conversation is key because no matter how good a marriage relationship is, it is riddled with ups and downs and only via communication can both parties be on the same page and flow easily. So rather than bottle it up and die slowly, just find the best time and let it out in a loving way. Same words do have different effect when used differently.
So what do you do when your marriage is becoming more and more less affectionate? It is time to spice things up. Depending on how bad it is, you can always get things started but that is if both couples want to work it out truthfully and honestly.
In this context we are looking at a born-again couple who do not believe in divorce and understand the role of the person of the holyspirit in relationship building. After you have prayed, it is important you sit down and do something for each other, that up to this point has been neglected for so long.
Highlight your strong points, talk about the things that made you fall in love with that person to that person.
Have a no holds barred reflection on the things that made you tick as a couple, reminisce about the little nothings you did and then when the atmosphere is no more tensed talk about what has changed and how it has been affecting you. the objective is to listen closely and carefully, if possible have a note pad to show how serious you are with the details of your discussion. Communication rather than talking is what binds you two together.
Now, if you successfully pulled that off, you have commenced the recovery process.
Based on the listed things from your partner, you will now see areas that improvement is needed. If you feel the first stage is difficult then this is even more difficult, as it has to do with sacrifice for the other person.
The big question, which i believe everyone about saying ‘i do’ should critically ask themselves is, “Can i utterly sacrifice for my partner”?
Someone once said that “in every relationship/marriage that is thriving, someone is paying the price”. Just imagine if that price is shared in proportions and the burden split happily.
You have heard from your partner what they need improvement on and they would want some efforts towards addressing them. The sacrifice made will begin to feel their tanks and this is not the time to become the perfectionist or a fault finder but someone who will be a fan, cheering every move made.
However, prevention is always better than cure. Before the love tank gets drained, plan vacations for two, dinner for two. Let her just dress up and feel pretty and without the kids, go out to a function or date nights with you.
If you are the busy boss in the office, just as you can have a last minute meeting to save the company, you should always include family time in your schedule. Never get too busy to have quality time for your family and your partner in particular. Even if it is for an hour, make it count and take your leave seriously and religiously too- as that spells family time.
Feel free to comment or write us and we will bring more tips on how to put back that spice into your relationship.
Article submitted by Frank Odiaka Nwaeze.
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